"Cautiously Optimistic"

Sorry it has taken away for us to update the blog, but this is the first chance I have gotten to sit down and think about what to write. Even as I type this something else happens and its so hard to keep up!  So I will start from my last post and write as the day goes on.....

Hannah's transplant was not as straight forward as we would have liked it to be, but how can we expect a liver transplant to be straight forward!!  Around 4pm her surgeon had finished up and made it out to talk to us about everything.  They ran into some uncommon anatomy with the donors liver which caused for some extra time and interventions to come up with a remedy on the "hook up" to Hannah.   He felt confident with his approach but told us numerous times to be "cautiously optimistic," and expect some turbulence.  We walked away from the conversation a little disappointed because first off, no one likes the word "uncommon," and we have been on an upward trend after last Wednesday.  This news felt like a punch to the stomach.  Honestly though how can we expect him to come out, give us a thumbs up, and say, "She is all fixed."  That is just a dream not the reality of such a huge surgery.

At 550pm we FINALLY got to see her for the first time since they took her at 6am.  Once I saw her I felt a sense of calmness come over me and felt the presence of God and prayer surround the room.  I knew at that point no matter what "turbulence" we will hit, she will come out of this a healthy girl, no matter what the next hours/days bring for Miss Hannah.   She has proven to us more than ever she is a fighter.

Last night, I wouldn't say it was a good night nor a bad night.  It was a rough night.  The ICU team did a great job at keeping her vital signs stable, but she was bleeding quite a bit so she received a decent amount of blood products.  It is a fine line with keeping her blood thin versus to thick.  This morning she seemed the most comfortable and her vitals still remained stable.  As the morning continued on, she was becoming much more alert and aware to her surroundings.  That is not necessarily a bad thing, in some ways it is actually good that she is showing personality, but at the same time seemed very frustrated and uncomfortable.  They have been trying to keep her safely sedated and comfortable but she burns through this pain/sedation medicine like it was nothing!!  I would probably be on the floor!!!  The best thing about her going back to the OR this morning was at least she would get some rest and be comfortable!  At times she seems good and then the next hour some sort of "gremlin"(as the surgeon puts it)  pops up.  Then they fix the problem, and she is good again for a while.  It is like a vicious cycle right now, with emotions going up and down.

Her ultrasound looked good this morning and so did her labs.  Her bilirubin is normal!  Yellow is no were seen on her body except for some leftover betadine from surgery. Even the whites of her eyes are WHITE!!  Before the procedure this afternoon, her surgeon stopped in to talk with us and he repeated once again, we need to remain "cautiously optimistic."  In all reality, things are very touch and go at this point and will continue to be that way for awhile. He basically laid it all out that there aren't any options off the table.  If we had to do this all over again, we would and they would/will do whatever it takes to get her to were she needs to be.  Was that scary to hear? YES!  But we have total faith in him that he speaks from his mind and heart.  He informed us to keep our "game face" on and continue to be "cautiously optimistic."

They took her down for surgery at 1pm and by 145pm we were getting the phone call that they had started the surgery.  We went up to the garden for a bit and got some fresh air, and I started writing this blog post.   Within the hour, we got another phone call saying that they were done and her surgeon would be up to speak with us.  We looked at each other like is this good or bad?! We hurried back down to her room and met him and the GI doctor.  We got the news that we would have liked to of heard yesterday!  There was no bleeding and the liver seems to be functioning well so far.  Her surgeon seemed very happy with his findings, and we could sense that he was very nervous about what he could have found or seen.  We couldn't have received better news!  So for now the plan is to HOPEFULLY take her breathing tube out in the morning and let her have a day off.  On Thursday they want to bring her back to the OR to take one more look and start staging her closure.  I know that sounds strange but they just have her skin closed over her abdomen so if she swells pressure will not be put on her liver.  They want to let that new liver have time to get "settled in" and start functioning for Hannah like it would for us.

Here we are now at 9pm and Hannah seems to remain comfortable and stable.  We are hoping for a quiet and restful night.  They changed her pain regime so hopefully that will keep her calm.  Tonight Greg will be heading home with Jacob, and I will be staying her with Hannah.  Personally, I have taken a step back and just have been mom.  I have taken my nurses hat off for the time being and am just being Hannah's mom.  I am still her advocate and speak up for her, but I am trusting and letting the doctors and nurses do there jobs.  I mean that's why they get paid the big bucks, right!  We are riding the rollercoaster in hopes with every down there is an up.

Let's just pray Hannah has a quiet and event free night.  The doctors and nurses have given her absolutely outstanding care!  Tomorrow is a new day, and we hope to continue to head in the right direction.  If we can get her off the ventilator that will be a huge milestone and then we can move on to the next one.  We have adopted the surgeon's phrase "cautiously optimistic," and we will continue to be that way until we are told otherwise.  

The overwhelming prayers, love, and support has been truly amazing.  A big THANK YOU to everyone!  Although, I have to be selfish and ask you all to keep them coming!  We truly believe the power each of those 3 things: prayer, love, & support has brought Hannah this far.  It has helped her tremendously on her road to recovery and new life!