Life with Hannah....

This post really isn't to much about how Hannah's doing, but about my experience thus far as her mother.   I have had some very coincidental things happen to me lately.  It seems like every time I turn around I am meeting someone who works in transplant, did research on livers, knows someone who has gotten a transplant or even receiving one.  I even was at the park yesterday with the kids and started chatting with a mom who use to be a social worker for the transplant team down at Barnes.  Coincidence, I think not!!

When this all started, and I heard the words "Your daughter is going to need a liver transplant someday." I felt like I was on a T.V. show, or stuck in some nightmare and couldn't wake up. Everything happened so fast that I never really had time to process what was even happening, or how our lives would forever be changed. All I cared about was this beautiful little girl of mine and why her, why us?  For weeks, every day I would think, "how come out of all the babies being born, why did God choose us?"  Am I being punished?  Did I eat, drink, or do something wrong while I was pregnant?  Then I came across this note that another mom with a child with Biliary Atresia had written to read and help herself when she is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.......

                                                 A Story About Mothers (and Fathers)

"Some women become Mothers by choice, some by accident, a few because of social pressure, and some by habit. This year many women will become Mothers of "not so well children".
Did you ever wonder how Mothers of these children are chosen?
Somehow I like to visualise God hovering over us selecting his special people with great care and deliberation. As he hands her name to an Angel, he smiles "give her a not so well child". The Angel is curious, "Why this woman God? She is so happy, strong and contented."
"Exactly." smiles God. "Could I give such a child to a Mother who does not know what laughter and strength, patience and endurance is?"
"I've been watching her for a long time." says God. "You see, the child I'm going to give her has their own world and their own problems. She has to mold it in to her world and teach it, and support it, and care for it with a special love. And that won't be easy."
She doesn't realize it yet, but this woman with the "not so well" child will eventually be looked up to and admired. She is one who will never consider a step ordinary - when her child goes to school, it will be a miracle, every birthday will be a wonderful achievement, and the years will be crammed with precious memories which other mothers simply take for granted.
But she will never be alone in this task - I will be at her side every minute of every day because she is doing my work. All this woman will have to do to see a Saint is look in the mirror. I'm proud of my special Mothers"             


I like to believe that this is why God chose us for Hannah.  God chose us for many reasons, and I have come to total peace with his decision.  I believe one being, Greg and mine's marriage is so strong, and we will love each other no matter what our life's journey maybe.  Two, of course I have to say, it is because I am a nurse. I do have the advantage of being a little more knowledgeable than the next person.  Lastly, if you are reading this, and you know anything about my childhood and what I have had to overcome getting bit by a dog at the age of two on my face, it all makes sense.  I have been through the pain, the suffering, and the hospital stays.  I like to believe, in the end, I have made a great life for myself.  That event as a child has made me who I am today and a better person because of it.  This is all what I need to teach Hannah(& Jacob).   How to live that life and teach them what TRULY matters.

The fact of the matter is, if I had the chance to pick from heaven all the beautiful babies to be my child, I still would have picked her.  No matter how life changing this has become for us, our lives would not be complete without her. My new normal seems so normal and right.  She has taught us so much already in the short 6 months she has been here.  So much, I feel like it could take a lifetime to teach others.  I have learned to cherish everyday, never take anything for granted, and don't sweat the small stuff.  Because the truth of the matter is, if we are all at home at the end of the day, enjoying our time together as a family, I can call that day to be a VERY successful day!